Mad · Lady · in · a · Mad · World

Actually not a whole lot really. Stuck in a non-motivational zone again where I want to do stuff but at the same time my energy level is kind of at a 'fuck it' level. Which is really no help in actually getting things done, or keeping up with things like I should and said I would. An now I'm contemplating getting on twitter, but at the same time my brain is going, do I need another thing I'm not gonna update?

On a more positive side, I have finally figured out what I wanna do with myself. Thus have I decided on grad school and the increasing of debt of academic reasons. Gonna go further into Asian Studies, but I've narrowed it a bit, I want to either do work with mythology, religion, or maybe if I got to make my own program or found a school made of solid awesome, a combination of A and B with popular culture references mixed in. For now though, I've kinda decided to try UT at Austin. Ok, so it's a halfway transparent attempt to have a reason to move back to Texas, but it still works! Not sure when I could move back, part of me says probably not till after Christmas cause I really want to get my last credit card paid off before I move. However there are a lot of things to consider and a couple of places I wanna try and get employed at. If one of those came through the pipe early I would definitely be willing to move my schedule ahead. Anything to get out of here.

Paying off debts has become a little harder though, since my parents are getting tight for money due to mom not working. So my brother and I have been helping them when we can, except it cuts down then on the money that I have to pay towards my bills. Not that I can't pay them because I'm helping my parents, I just can't pay as much as I want to is the thing. With luck and hope though, mom will be able to find a job quickly, and with more luck it will be something she can do from home so she doesn't have to walk a lot. Then things will get easier.

My mom also got a new puppy along with a new hip. It's a chihuahua/yorkie mix, and I have to admit, rather cute and cuddly. Her name is Corky, and luckily she doesn't look like a chihuahua. We're trying to get her fully house trained right now. Miyuki doesn't get along with her, but then Corky doesn't get along with any of the cats really. Though it was funny to listen to Miyuki growl at Corky anytime she came around.

Also if you get the chance, go and see Ponyo. It's Hayao Miyazaki's new movie and it's cute, really really cute. Loosely based, in the way of many movies and anime before it, on the story of the little mermaid. And it has a drag queen from under the sea that has Liam Neeson's voice and should have a song written by Gilbert & Sullivan.

So I'm pretty sure I've been coming off a manic phase and am starting the slow slide into the depressive phase. I've also completely decided I need to see the doctor and soon. About many things, but mainly because I'm sick of my yo-yo moods, the mini ups and downs are killing me, and the longer ups and downs feel like they're keeping me from moving forward. Because everytime I start getting good momentum, the manic phase ends and I'm left depressed and unenergetic, which stops previous momentum. So yeah, I's be needing meds now k thnx.

However I am getting excited about the upcoming Otakon trip. I was all excited and then all of a sudden it kind snuck up on me. I think it's cause I got distracted with all the stuff going on with mom and her operation and my parents lack of money and me and my brother attempts at monetary assistance. BUT ANYWAY!

God I haven't been to a con in ages, at least a year if not longer. Otakon was the first ever con I went to and had a blast, and this year should be even better. Gonna get to visit friends, drive there while completely avoid the dreaded PA turnpike and especially stay out of crack motels in the middle of Ohio. Its also a great week off of work which I really need again. I didn't manage to set aside the money I'd wanted to for the trip, but I have officially decided to say fuck it and buy what I want anyway. My natural scroogeness will keep from spending too wildly as it is.

Also, the Transformers Wiki is officially my favoritist wiki ever because they bother to do this with their pics.

Where to start... Well mom's operation went well, there weren't any complications or anything. I stayed up until they brought her to recovery and then I came home. I saw her yesterday before work and I'll probably go up today as well before work to sit with her. They've started therapy but evidently the first one sounds like it didn't go so well. No word on when she'll be out, but dad thinks she'll go to an assisted care place for awhile after they release her.

My brother is having yet more Baby Mama Drama going on. Its been a year with this custody thing and it's still going. However he has the munchkin tomorrow and he's gonna take her to see fireworks. I'm still trying to figure out if I wanna go see it with them or see about maybe going to see fireworks with my friends. He is going to have her overnight though, so that will be a new experience for sure. The other night he bought an toddler bed off of Craig's List, so the only thing he needs now is a mattress and she'll be all set.

I am so not feeling work today, seriously. But I'm off on the weekend, so yay!

So mom's hip operation is tomorrow, well technically today since it's after midnight, but anyway... It was originally supposed to be today but her doctor got some emergency case and said it would be best to push it back a day. So I guess it's a good thing that work scheduled my floating holiday right next to my benefit day, because now I'll at least have the day off again. I don't really have a good feeling about this. I mean yeah joking about having a bionic mother is all well and good, but a hip replacement is a big thing. An especially given her weight I'm just afraid something might go wrong. I'm probably being paranoid and just getting worked up.

It's gonna take most of the day I know, cause the actual surgery won't start until 2 in the afternoon. So I'll get to sit around in the waiting room with the family and play on my cellphone. Cellphone saves the day again. Or it will.

Should totally go to bed soon, but having a lot of fun chatting with people on FFXI. An not tired yet either...

So I totally went and saw the new Transformers movie at a midnight premier on Tuesday/Wednesday after work. I got to sit in the line for like an hour and a half or so and listen to the stupid insipid little high schoolers that I kinda wanted to smack. Repeatedly. With something large. And spiked. Then there was the fun once we got seated when everyone was shushing and I wanted to rip people's ears off cause they kept doing it. An then the film reel cut out twice, once at the end of G.I. Joe trailer and then during the little movie theater spiel.

If you're curious as to what I thought of the move, go read ze blog.

I think I might go and see it at the imax on Saturday if I can get out of work early enough. I wanted to go on the midnight premiere but when I went to buy my ticket it was already sold out and I thought it was totally lame... So hopefully better luck next time around! Brother is going on Saturday, maybe we'll end up going together, or not. Dunno at this point.

So, big drama. I come to work from break and find utter chaos. Evidently one of the visa systems had like a mega melt down and all of our visa cards were declining, so of course everyone was calling in wanting to know what was happening. So it was like an hour of mass organized chaos and we had to tell lots of people to call back in like half an hour... which is right now but I'm on lunch so I don't got to deal with it. Seriously it was craziness cause we had managers and supervisors walking around telling us stuff an I felt like I came in partway through and could not figure what I should do with all of this. Normally we have a department to send these calls to, but they were of course overwhelmed because almost of our department was calling them, an then the overflow department was flooded to. Needless to say, it was a type of exciting I could have done without. Even if it kept me off solicitations.

An I totally have a ticket to the midnight premiere of the new Transformers movie. I am tres excited. I wanted to go to the iMax showing but it's already sold out, and it was sold out yesterday so I guess they went fast. First time I ever bought a movie ticket online but I didn't want to risk not having one and then having to find a way to sneak in. The theater I picked is nice, and it's on the way home so I'm just gonna go directly to theater after work and hang out and play on my amazing phone. I seriously need no other entertainment anymore than my phone, because it does everything.

I haven't really kept up on whats supposed to go on in the new Transformers movie, or watched the trailers. So all I can say is, there had better be Starscream.

OK, I totally meant to make this post yesterday but I got caught up playing Final Fantasy XI last night and finally making it to level 41 and beyond. An giving Naroku a hard time was definite plus. By the time I got off I really just kinda passed out.

Yesterday I am quite proud of because I was very productive, which is unique because days off I usually reserve for being as lazy and slug-like as I can manage, but I just hit the ground running yesterday. Got up, went and watered all of the plants, which are quite a few, went and looked at our neighbor's garage sale which was fun, and then I repotted the decorative pepper plants my parents got for me last weekend. Then I went downstairs and worked on some candles and started making my lightbox. For the heck of it, I took pictures.

( Har be bad photography )

Meg came over too and we hung out in the basement for awhile watching Stargate SG1 and messing with my candle stuff. She helped finish assembling the lightbox and taking the pictures. Then we worked at combining some new scents. So all in all I felt very accomplished yesterday. Go me. Hopefully I'll get as much done today. Maybe.

...That makes me think of Batman. Its an odd association but I think it came about last summer, when I went on a summer long Batman/Teen Titan/DC comic binge. An now summer is back and I'm thinking of it again. I'm also thinking back to last summer when mom was in the hospital and then the assisted living place. Its strange to be nostalgic but it's almost a year and lots of things are different, and then a lot of things are the same. Mom's going back into the hospital for an operation at the end of June, she's getting her hip replaced. So then I'll be visiting the hospital again. Not working for Penney's like I was, which I suddenly miss cause then I had afternoons and evenings available and now I work during that whole time. An I'm back to Batman, strange how it all works in the end. Should totally find a Batman icon.

Slightly related note, Fushichou took over the scanlation of Deep Black aka Gay Japanese Batman, after Memory For You went caput. An it's gotten absolutely no where in the past year. Which makes me sad and annoyed because darn it all I want more of Deep Black. Mainly cause it's by Mamahara Ellie and I adore her as one of my favorite mangaka. An the other is that well... it's gay Japanese Batman.

Onto other news, I made some candles today. Not normally news but I used wax I've never used before. I got some soy wax and some palm wax and I'm interested in seeing how they turn out. And then of course I get to go back to testing out wicks to see which will burn better. An I wanna test the scent throw because I'm tired of not seeming to have good throw with paraffin. If one's interested in seeing how my latest experiment turned out I'll post pictures. I also really need to get to work on rigging up my soft lighting tent so I can take nice pictures. Without all the glare.

Half an hour to work and I'm so not excited at all. VP of customer service is holding rallies today. Whoopie. An my manager 'volunteered' me to do United Way solicitations. So I get to call businesses and convince them to donate stuff for Unite Way campaign. Fun stuff... Only benefit is being off the phones and getting to go at my own pace.

So, I think I hit a rather bizarre milestone yesterday at my job. It took six months, but someone finally cursed me out on the phone. I'm more amused than anything cause it was a short call and the guy was rude from the get go. Y'know, credit is a privilege not a right and it will be revoked if you do stupid things, like not pay on time. We were insanely busy yesterday and I'm hoping not as busy today really.

I finished signing up for insurance today through work, so come July 1 I will be covered and can visit doctors again. Which means mom can stop nagging me about it all the damn time. I think I will actually take advantage of it and make some appointments, at least get a check up. An I want to see a podiatrist to find out if there is a reason my feet still hurt even thought I'm not on them all the time anymore. Should probably go to the dentist too, but I hate them so I feel less than inclined to try and find one.

On a different subject entirely, I've been looking at all the pretty screens and trailers for Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles and I like it. So now I'm excited about that coming out, cause I really liked Umbrella Chronicles, even if my attempts at multi-player were not successful. The hardest thing seemed to be coordinating quick-time events when they want you to do different motions. It's definitely prettier than Umbrella Chronicles, and of course that it has Leon and Claire in nice pretty updated graphics makes it a big plus.

So I really need to get out more, so yesterday me and Meg went down to the loop and just kinda walked along and window shopped, and actual shopped. We found this absolutely fabulous store that had all these carvings and statues from India and China, as well as some clothes. But mainly it was the decorations that were incredibly beautiful. I bought some essential oils there, well they say they're essential oils and the woman said they had no carrier oils, but were safe for skin use. Which means there must be some kind of carrier because the majority of essential oils cannot be used directly on skin. Either way I have some new oils to experiment with soon, which is good. I got green tea, rose and frangipani.

It was just all around fun, and I took a couple of pictures I planned to post but they're on my phone, but one was outside of the resale clothing store. Mustaches ftw is all I gotta say. Megan got some clothes and the really cute pocky purse.

I ended up having to but a PS2 portable yesterday because we couldn't find the av cable to the behemoth. So my new one is cute and little and silvery-white which makes me really happy. An I gave the behemoth to Meg, since it still works and if she can get an av cable then she'll have a ps2 to play with. Since she keeps saying she needs to play more video games. After we got the new one hooked up she played Kingdom Hearts till almost 10:30 when she had to go.

An of course there was Denny's cause my parents were coming back from visiting my grandparents out of town. So the whole family plus one went to Denny's. It was fun, we spent half the meal talking about the family tree on mom's side and what was going on with some of the few relatives I actually knew and getting to know more about a couple of them. For those of you unfamiliar of the redneck family tree I come from, I'm related to like half a county at least. Not that I know or am close to them, but it exists.

All in all, a good day yesterday. An back to work today, hopefully this day will be good. (Please let me get a minimum amount of idiots)

Edit: OMG can't believe the number of typos, I'm gonna blame it on the weirdness of this day and the fact that I was in a rush when finishing.

You know the longer I work at my current job, the more I come to understand how exactly American got into all this financial trouble. Because my main job is to explain to people about their credit and the sheer amount of people that do not understand their credit or how it works is boggling. I know that now all of them are stupid inbred drugged idiots without one functioning synapse, but it feels like it. -_- Even the basic stuff, like getting a fee because you did not make your payment on time (or at all) seems to be too much. An of course for every two nice people who understand and I genuinely want to help, there's some angry woman calling in from New Jersey to yell at me about everything.

I seriously have to wonder if we're actually teaching kids in school about exactly how credit works. And if we're not we need to be because there are so many who just don't understand. Honestly, I never thought it was that difficult of a concept, but then I can walk and chew gum at the same time. Luckily I haven't had anyone too bad today, knock on wood. Plus, there is always my Naruto plushie waiting to be squeezed and banged against the desk to help vent my frustration.

For a semi-change of topic, they make me listen to my calls here, and I've come to the distressing realization that I sound like a damned eight-year old. I'm not sure if that's just because I have to sound nice and peppy on the phone and therefore my voice goes higher, or if I really sound like that. However this just reinforces my feelings of not liking to actually listen to recordings of myself.

Whee... so it's been forever since I updated, or 18 weeks if I listen to LJ. An I'm not going to waste time talking about what I've been doing because really there's not sense in rehashing it and I doubt people really care about it. I know I don't. I'll just give the cliff notes and suffice to say that I worked a lot and am now about 2 months away from having finally crawled out of the financial hole I dug myself into in college. Minus my student loans. An I'm looking forward to it because I'm incredibly tired of paying these people, especially with the horrendous APR I'm being charged. >.<

I no longer work for JCP, quit with them in March and I am now working for one of their competitors, see Macy's. But I don't work in the store, I'm in a call center where I have to verbally kiss the customer's ass but no one can see my face, so they can't tell I think they're incredibly retarded. Small favors really, cause I don't really like the job, even though it's not bad. An I happen to be good at it. Still it pays well and since my dream job seems to have evaporated into the ether, it's the only one I got.

I'm still living with the parental units, partaking of free room board and lots of extremely unhealthy food. But I know it's balanced out by my being there for all of the family crises that have arisen jut since I came back. Like my mother's most recent health crisis and my brother's ongoing Baby Mama Drama. However I'm not planning on going into that all right now. That's for later, much later, maybe never.

So I've decided I'm really, really going to try and update more and respond to people. Just really to write more and drag myself out of me insular little crab shell and try to keep in touch with people. An keep in touch with myself really. That's the downside I always feel to living where I am, I just tend to get too insular and not keep in touch. However I have determined that I am going to find stick-to-itness if it kills me. Cause I'm tired of starting and stopping and loosing my energy and giving in to general can't give a damn feelings.

(Anyone wanna bet how long I'll be able to keep this up? ^_~)

Yes I'm still alive and moving about. Just haven't felt up to posting for some reason.

ANYWAY! Tis the season and I feel like doing Christmas cards, so if you want a card leave a response with your address and I will get ones in the mail to you soon. Like when next time I have a full day off.

I think the reality of the situation in my life is, I'm not going to be able to stay in Texas. I want to, I really do want to stay in Texas with my friends here, but I keep looking at the dollars and cents and the finances and it's just not adding up to being feasible. Not without a miracle of some sort. Or a really really good job.

Given the current apartment fiasco, and the fact that I'm not sure transferring, even with it's nice pay raise, will provide enough hours. An if I do end up going home, I'm gonna feel bad because I'll only be at that Penney's for two weeks, long enough to tell them that I'm going to have to transfer and move back home.

I mean there are benefits to moving back in with my parents, free food and rent and utilities to start with, which means I could focus on getting rid of the ball and chain I currently have, known as credit cards. But I still want to stay down here...

I'm giving myself until the 15th of June. If I do not have a place lined up and lease signed, I'm going to be moving back home. There's simply nothing else to be done.

I'm ready to just give up on this whole finding a place in Austin idea. I can't seem to win no matter what the hell I do. So I thought I had an apartment in Austin, again, and it fell threw, again. Why? Because I don't make enough in a month for them. But in order for me to make enough a month I need a job in Austin, but in order to have a job in Austin I kind of need a place to live. So I can't win. I can't win and I'm ready to just give up by now. I have absolutely no idea if I will have any place to live by the end of the month an no idea where I can look to find a place to live. I can think of maybe one other place to try that was in the right price range, but other than that I have no idea what I'm going to do.

...sort of. The last two weeks have been kinda weirdly hectic and stressful. I've gone to Austin a lot, much to the detriment of my credit card cause the price of gas is like woah. An also to the detriment of my mental sanity, because the week before last involved a lot of breakdowns, in that both times I went into Austin I ended up horribly lost and crying. Which is why I didn't go visit the people I said I would try to visit. Sorry about that, but by the time I gave up I was too upset to be any kind of company. Just kind of wanted to get home.

So a lot of the stress was because of job problems and the difficulty of finding one, as well as the lack of actual place to live with move out date here rapidly approaching. But once again the end of May has proven to be extremely lucky, which is good because usually it has to make up for the unluckyness of June. I had a grand total of five interviews scheduled this week. The one Monday was for the Humane Society, and I really wanted that job... But they decided not to interview for the position, fuckers. Anyway the day wasn't a total waste, looked at apartments with CJ and Phil, which was fun. Except I found nothing in the remotely affordable range which meant there was a high likelihood I would indeed end up living in a refrigerator box.

But all was redeemed on Wednesday. I got calls from a Penney's in Austin, and two other places for interviews. An workaustin.com sent me an e-mail from some business thing, and they gave me an interview. Of course this all meant lots of trekking to Austin Thursdays and Friday, but it was worth it. I have a job waiting for me at the JC Penney in North Austin, where I will not be on the sales floor doing sales and will come with shiny much needed raise.

I also found a place in my affordability range that doesn't obviously look like I'll be living in the ghetto. There is still a high possibility of it ending up being ghetto, but that's ok. Right now I think all I can afford on my own is the ghetto, so I will adjust. Just make sure they know you don't wanna mess with me. So life overall is looking better, now the hard part of packing is coming.

Ok, so this came to me about a week ago, an I've been kinda thinking about it semi-seriously. Several of you know that I make candles as a bit of a hobby, an outlet for the crafting urges, and about a week ago I got the idea that maybe I could try selling them. Mainly at like maybe flea markets or an artist market type things. Of course I know I'm going to have to get a lot more stuff than I have now, mainly more molds and scents and a couple of other things, but there is that big ass candle supply place up at Round Rock or Georgetown... anyway far to the north of Austin that would have what I need. But being the creature of little confidence I am, I thought I would get the opinion of people on the ole f-list.

Poll #1176410 Candles
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

So, is it a good idea to test my entreprenurial skills and try to get people to buy homemade wax stuff?

Now I really should get back to working on my paper. I'm half done! I'm actually kind of missing the blind panic and sense of urgency I usually have with these things, because it makes me get it done faster. I'm trying to chalk it up to burn out, because damnit this paper should be easy. I know exactly what I wanna say, what it's about, not pulling it entirely out of my ass out now, an I keep getting stuck.

Well it's official, the school screwed me out of May graduation. >.< So now I have to go an take a summer coarse to graduate in August. What class do I have to take you ask? Freshman english. Freshman fucking english. Evidently the college thinks I need remedial english, despite all the writing intensive classes and research papers I've been doing for them. So yeah, sucksville. Hoping to get to just take a correspondance course for it so I don't actually have to come up onto campus and sleep through the class. An as silly and cheating as it may be, I'm thinking of just recycling with modifications a research paper from another class.

On the slightly brighter side, my research paper isn't going too bad. I finished all my research yesterday and I still have a whole week before it's due. Which is plenty of time to get it out. Hopefully will have the first draft done by Friday so I can revise over the weekend and Monday to turn it in on Tuesday. Then its just studying for the rest of my finals. I just have to not give into my urges to procrastinate and take breaks. That would be bad, but I'm just so tired and so done with school damnit all. I wanna do other things with my time.

Ok, so now I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed, but only slightly. I'm sure that will grow as the end of semester looms ever closer and I am still not 100% certain of graduation. The school is making a very good and concerted effort to screw me over on the whole graduation thing. Aided as it is by the retard teacher at the community colelge who is sending me a copy of the syllabus I need, but evidently can't be bothered to use e-mail to send it to me, instead it's in normal mail. >.< An I'm so afraid to make any definite plans without knowing they're going to accept that class. Also there is the waiting for the result of my English CLEP to come back, also a point of worry.

An of course the last minute paper rush is coming on, but I have most of my research materials, I think. It's just a matter of going through it. Luckily its not like a full on research paper, its more interpretative. Interpretative=easier to bullshit. Except that now that I have graduation looming ever closer, the whole prospect of finding a job is coming up and I am being forced to face the little thing I was kinda ignoring for most of my college life, namely what the heck kind of job can I get with my shiny new degree? Still don't know, but I figure I will go to the career counselor people tomorrow and ask them what they think I could try and apply for. Because continuing to work retail is truly just not appealing at all. That and I've decided I would like to be able to afford a nicer apartment than the one I was planning to get, mainly becuase apartmentratings.com was scaring me yesterday. -_- An yeah, time's running low on that as well, as I hate doing things at last minute.

And just to repeat, GIANT FUCKING ANTS! All over the kitty's food dish an in the closet. Not sure how they got in or how long they'd been in, but it was disgusting. I don't think they were in very long, but they were everywhere. I lost a lot of cat food cause they were all over the food dish and I just went outside and dumped the whole thing.

Then I shifted the axis of the cat's world by moving food, water and liter out of the closet and to other places. This was done because I was putting out any poison in an attempt to kill any stragglers I missed in the initial freak out and mass genocide.

Only two months... two months and I can get the fucking hell out of here an to a place that is hopefully ant-free. Or at least ant-less, an no more food or litter in bedroom. Two months, I can do it, I'm strong. Right?